Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

But where there are prophecies, they will cease;
where there are tongues, they will be stilled;
where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

I told you how i felt, or what bothered me.. so that i can just "clear" the air.
Never did i know it actually affected you in a way that it accumulated and caused you to be pissed.

If there were no questions, i wouldnt have asked.

You said not to question your every action, ok i wont.

I will not bring up anything that bothers me, neither will i be affected if you are going away on a short trip with your friends during your one week holiday while i have school the whole of that week, nor will i comment much on any other stuff.

You asked if i was fine, i lied.
I didn't feel fine.

I just felt sad or horrible.
I cried while i was messaging you;
cried myself to bed.

I will just focus on my upcoming test and school work and next week's 6 days straight of school after work, while you can have fun having dinner or playing lan games or going to sisters island for 2d 1n.

No comments.

This year, there was no "happy birthday" from my father.

Over-reaction or under-reaction?

To have a reaction is a sign that one is valued,
even if it is an over-reaction.

"Under-reaction" implies there's no more worth in putting time, effort or emotion in something anymore, which is sad.

A short summary on what happened over the weekend;

Bee's grandpa was admitted into SGH.. he's still in the hospital and i hope and pray that he'll be fine..
He's a very nice and pleasant man. :)

Some trust issues i have with bee.
I wanted to but some things feels so suspicious and it's questionable; the answer i got led me to more questions, logically.
It would have been better if there were some assurance.
I guess i got demoralised then.

Quite abit of stuff happened last week; which led me to ponder and reflect.
Things that upset me, somehow seemed insignificant to my bf.

Why is this so?
Is it just me, being over-sensitive?
Is it that i cared to much, which is why i tend to just speak my mind to try and solve things right there and then?

I don't like to be the irritating one who always bring something up.
But, what choice do i have?
My bf isn't one who's naturally very open and chatty.

If he naturally opens up to me, talks to me, lets me know what's really on his mind or how he's feeling, i won't have to keep on probing, trying to get some answers so that whatever issue is bugging me, will be "solved".
I dont like to sweep things under the rug and let it pile up.
We know that it will burst open one day.

I'm one who prefers to talk it out; give each other a chance to tell their side of the story.
I just can't have a cold war, and when i asked if it was because of me, i was told no.
If it wasn't me, why give me the cold shoulder and leave me all puzzled and thinking all the time for what that i might have done. This, again will get me started on probing.

If i was told directly what the reason was, i wouldnt have probed so much.

But again, maybe i cared too much which is why all these affects me whereas you seemed.. so fine.

Maybe.
I should just be like you.
So cool and not be bothered by all these.
Even if it does, i'll just keep mum.

Had a catching up session with one of my friends, only to reminisce the past.
It just seemed like yesterday, when we were so carefree with no worries.
We just had to worry about our studies, boy-girl relationships, having fun.. etc
Oh, how i miss those days.

Now everything seemed to have made a 360 degree turn.
Now we worry about school, work, income and so much more!!

Furthermore, living here in Singapore it is really very competitive.
We work to survive, not survive to work.

Here, everything is about money.
Government is increasing the cost of living, life gets more stressful.

Of course, those living a sheltered life, may not experience this yet.

Now i'm starting to ponder.
Even if i manage to complete my studies and get a degree, will my future income be enough?
Or maybe, by the time i graduate, even a degree is rendered useless.

Oh boy.

i hate it when i feel insecure.
why is it that of all the little hiccups, it's caused by the same stupid problem.
Maybe i'm just being anal.

I tried to be direct and honest with what and how i feel about it, but somehow i feel worse.

I get more paranoid, unsure about trusting.

I want to be assured, but there's no assurance from you and the negativity is building up.
I am trying to convince myself to let it go.

Somehow, i'm glad that my blog is not heard of because i can rant it out here.

In life, at times people tend to feel lost or start to question things in their lives.

Yes, i am at this phase now.

However, i am inspired by a school mate of mine who was engaged recently.

I read her blog and how she was able to keep a positive mindset; her fiance encourages her, spurs her on.

A very sweet couple. :)

Also, because of this, i am affected somehow.

In fact, it brought me even more questions.

Was busy with work for the past few days as I had to cover my colleague due to her absence. Been raining for the past two days as well.. urgh. Somehow, i'm kinda dreading today's lecture as we'll have to finish 3 lectures today which means, it'll take about 3 hrs. WHY? It was because of yesterday, there were quite a few technical problems like not being able to get the projector working, the mic not working.. blah blah.and the lecturer even told us to gp and play in the rain. -.-" Therefore, by the time everything was rectified, it was 8pm. Wasted 1 whole hour!!! (I could have saved on my cab fare and even have a quick dinner, damn.) Well, I can only hope and pray that the lectures tonight will be very INTERESTING and SHORT (which i highly doubt so, sadly.)

Ok, a random pic of my mischievous dog to end this post.

Ok, there's something wrong with blogger, not sure why everything is chunked up in a paragraph.

Out.

A random post on....

This is one of my all-time favourites since i was a kid.

Sultana biscuits.

I can eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner. (not kidding)

I like it mainly because of the chewy raisins that's in it and yes, at times i'll just eat the only the parts with raisins.

Ok back to studying.

Was counting the number of semesters i've have to pay for fees; 3 more! YEAH!!! But then again, when i remembered that 1 sem = 6months.. that's equivalent to about 2 years. YAWNS. (Yes, i have to say this again....) Work is so boring and stagnant. Should i just quit and be a broke ass... So tempted to but no money how to survive in singapore?

So, communicated with the bf and realised that all those that i mentioned in the previous post which i was affected by, it was normal to him as he didn't miss anything's amiss.

Guess it's time to accept him as someone who's really quiet; a man of ONE word.(not few, haha.)

Oh well. So, now i know.

Shall not think so much in the future then!

OMGOSH. My school's lab project's a killer.

My current first project have 10 questions.

The first 4, is like,enough.

After reading it, you'd go WHAAAT?!?!

Thank god the the deadline extension, else i'll really kill all my brain cells in having to research for all the answers in 5 days.

Looking forward to this weekend of relaxation? then to be a real science nerd.

It's been pretty smooth so far, but in life nothing is always smooth sailing.

Sometimes i wonder if you're really happy; the awkward times(at least, to me) when we ate in silence and it's kinda depressing that i actually pictured myself standing up and walking off, which i did not, of course.

That's when i really wonder what was going through your mind.

It's kinda tough trying to figure out what's on your mind as you're not someone who's very expressive by nature, especially when you're all quiet.

I may be oversensitive, but sometimes i just get the feeling that you're feeling sian.

If you say that you dont feel sian, then why would i have that "feeling"?

It may be due to us not having much common interests in the first place, maybe.

I dont wanna become someone to you who's like, "oh you're here, ok lor."

This may sound a bit pathetic but sometimes i just cant help but feel envious of paris who gets such affection from you.

I want and hope to spend quality time with you.

Not quantity.

We can be by each others' side the whole day but we're just engrossed in doing our own stuff.

The times you asked why i was so quiet;

i was thinking about all these thoughts that crossed my mind.

If you're truly happy.

i dont want us to be together for the sake of just being together.

I dont wanna always be the one who's like digging up problems, complaining, emo-ing.

As much as i wanna close an eye and leave it as it is, maybe its just me, being a libran;

we like peace and harmony, hence i'd rather know the problem and prefer to talk things out to solve matters to bring it to a close.

Bahh, maybe what i've typed above doesn't make any sense at all.

Bemused.

Feels like there's a lost in interest.

Things weren't the same as before,

or is it just me, lying to myself?

I need assurance.